It was a good weekend. Again this year we adopted a family through 100 Neediest Cases--a young mother and her 2-year-old son. Her most specific request was for warm clothing for herself and her son. Can you imaging being in a position at Christmas where you would be happy if someone would just help you out with some warm clothing so you can make sure your child isn't cold?
We didn't ask the boys for any input as to what to get the family, and we didn't do much explaining, but the boys did go shopping with us and did ask questions. We simply told them that we were buying things for a mama and her son who didn't have enough money to buy things. They seemed to be okay with that and did help Mark wrap the presents, and then helped me to deliver them to the agency that was coordinating this family's case.
We had fun making sure that this family will have lots of warm clothing plus lots of extras to help them enjoy Christmas!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Half day
The boys had a half day of school today so I picked them up early. Dima in particular has been going nuts for the past week or so--all of the schedule changes at school are driving him insane. His teacher actually told me the other day that she had "lots of fun surprises" for the kids the last week of school. My thought was "Have fun dealing with my son!" He just doesn't do well with a lot of change and with the holidays coming on, and school programs, and everything he's a bit on-edge. He's handling it pretty well, I think, all things considered. We're just trying to keep everything consistent at home and deal with stuff as best we can.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Dec 18--one year ago
One year ago today, we had court to adopt our boys. This was an extremely traumatic day. While I don't want to share all of the details, there was a family member who was opposed to the boys' adoption. This person was unable to care for the boys but did not want them to leave the country. This person came to court and testified to that effect. Deciding to adopt the boys knowing about this situation was one of the hardest things I've ever done. The judge and all of the other interested parties (regional social worker, orphanage social worker, orphanage staff, etc.) felt that it was in the best interest of the boys to be adopted.
Obviously, there was a lot going on while we were in Ukraine, and some of it I still don't feel comfortable sharing for various reasons. The long and short of it is that this person was very upset during court. The judge called for a recess. During that time, we asked our facilitator if we could show this person some pictures of where the boys would be living if we were allowed to adopt them. We talked for some time (during the recess) and showed pictures of our house, St. Louis, and our extended family. After recess, this person got up and through many many tears stated that the boys should be adopted by us.
I cannot imagine how that person's heart felt at that moment, and the amazing amount of love and trust it required to send two little boys halfway around the world, knowing that this person would never see them again.
We agreed to send updates to this person and we have kept that agreement. We send pictures, letters, and some of the boys' schoolwork so this person can watch them grow from afar. We also receive letters from this person and we keep all of them for the boys when they are older. We were told they had no attachment to this person, and we never saw any evidence of it while we were there, but this person is still family.
This whole situation--while not exactly how I had pictured it!--was a complete answer to prayer.
I had always wanted my children to have some information about their birth family, and so many kids who have been adopted from Ukraine have absolutely no information. We got information and so much more--a living, breathing connection to their family, and to someone who helped care for them when they were little. We have pictures of us with this person and additional family members. This person also gave us additional pictures of Dima and Zhenya from before we met them.
After court (during which our 10 days were waived), we exchanged addresses with the family member and then spent a few hours (literally!) waiting for the court decree. Kostya said if he'd known it was going to take so long we would have left and gotten lunch! We finally got the decree and then spent the next couple of hours running around getting other paperwork started. Although the boys were already legally ours, we didn't want to pick them up until we had most of the paperwork done. No need to run them all over the region too, and we weren't sure how they would do with traveling in the car. Mark and I were talking last night and decided that Dec 19 is probably our official "gotcha" day--the day we actually picked the boys up.
Obviously, there was a lot going on while we were in Ukraine, and some of it I still don't feel comfortable sharing for various reasons. The long and short of it is that this person was very upset during court. The judge called for a recess. During that time, we asked our facilitator if we could show this person some pictures of where the boys would be living if we were allowed to adopt them. We talked for some time (during the recess) and showed pictures of our house, St. Louis, and our extended family. After recess, this person got up and through many many tears stated that the boys should be adopted by us.
I cannot imagine how that person's heart felt at that moment, and the amazing amount of love and trust it required to send two little boys halfway around the world, knowing that this person would never see them again.
We agreed to send updates to this person and we have kept that agreement. We send pictures, letters, and some of the boys' schoolwork so this person can watch them grow from afar. We also receive letters from this person and we keep all of them for the boys when they are older. We were told they had no attachment to this person, and we never saw any evidence of it while we were there, but this person is still family.
This whole situation--while not exactly how I had pictured it!--was a complete answer to prayer.
I had always wanted my children to have some information about their birth family, and so many kids who have been adopted from Ukraine have absolutely no information. We got information and so much more--a living, breathing connection to their family, and to someone who helped care for them when they were little. We have pictures of us with this person and additional family members. This person also gave us additional pictures of Dima and Zhenya from before we met them.
After court (during which our 10 days were waived), we exchanged addresses with the family member and then spent a few hours (literally!) waiting for the court decree. Kostya said if he'd known it was going to take so long we would have left and gotten lunch! We finally got the decree and then spent the next couple of hours running around getting other paperwork started. Although the boys were already legally ours, we didn't want to pick them up until we had most of the paperwork done. No need to run them all over the region too, and we weren't sure how they would do with traveling in the car. Mark and I were talking last night and decided that Dec 19 is probably our official "gotcha" day--the day we actually picked the boys up.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
It could be easier
Sometimes it seems life would be much easier if we would just let things slide. But it's incredible to see changes that occur when we stick with it and enforce what we know will benefit us all in the long run.
Dima's behavior has made remarkable improvements since we tightened his reins a bit over the past couple of weeks. It hasn't been easy, though. Due to some undesirable behavior at school a week ago, he missed Mark's office Christmas party that Friday. Mark and Zhenya went and I stayed home with Dima. He also missed out on a playdate and had to come to band rehearsal with us last weekend (not exactly punishment for him, but he had to sit and he didn't get to play at their friend's house--so close enough). It's all worth it for days like today.
Mark played in TubaChristmas today. This is something like his 20th year participating, so this is an annual tradition for us. This morning, the boys and I dropped him off for rehearsal and then made a Walgreens run. We went home, played, and had lunch and then went to the Galleria for Mark's concert. Dima did so well during the concert, but better than his good behavior were his actions towards me. I spread out the boys' coats on the floor for them to sit on as the marble tile was a little hard, and he figured out he could stretch out and lay his head in my lap. He then asked me to rub his back as he lay there and if I stopped he would ask me to start rubbing his back again.
This from a child that 12 months ago would not touch us, and wasn't sure what to do when we touched him. If we picked him up he was stiff as a board--he wouldn't wrap his arms or legs around us at all. If anything, he would put a death grip on whatever clothing (not us--only our clothing) he could get ahold of out of fear of falling. The changes in his emotional state over the past year are nothing short of miraculous. And I really am serious about that. There have been times over the past year when I really wondered if Dima would ever be able to function normally emotionally. He just had so much baggage and so many survival skills that he had developed. And I wondered too if we were really the right people to be able to help him through this. While he will always carry those early memories for the rest of his life, I hope that he is learning to manage his baggage better, and that eventually he will be able to turn it all over and rest in the One whose yoke is easy, and whose burden is light.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
Dima's behavior has made remarkable improvements since we tightened his reins a bit over the past couple of weeks. It hasn't been easy, though. Due to some undesirable behavior at school a week ago, he missed Mark's office Christmas party that Friday. Mark and Zhenya went and I stayed home with Dima. He also missed out on a playdate and had to come to band rehearsal with us last weekend (not exactly punishment for him, but he had to sit and he didn't get to play at their friend's house--so close enough). It's all worth it for days like today.
Mark played in TubaChristmas today. This is something like his 20th year participating, so this is an annual tradition for us. This morning, the boys and I dropped him off for rehearsal and then made a Walgreens run. We went home, played, and had lunch and then went to the Galleria for Mark's concert. Dima did so well during the concert, but better than his good behavior were his actions towards me. I spread out the boys' coats on the floor for them to sit on as the marble tile was a little hard, and he figured out he could stretch out and lay his head in my lap. He then asked me to rub his back as he lay there and if I stopped he would ask me to start rubbing his back again.
This from a child that 12 months ago would not touch us, and wasn't sure what to do when we touched him. If we picked him up he was stiff as a board--he wouldn't wrap his arms or legs around us at all. If anything, he would put a death grip on whatever clothing (not us--only our clothing) he could get ahold of out of fear of falling. The changes in his emotional state over the past year are nothing short of miraculous. And I really am serious about that. There have been times over the past year when I really wondered if Dima would ever be able to function normally emotionally. He just had so much baggage and so many survival skills that he had developed. And I wondered too if we were really the right people to be able to help him through this. While he will always carry those early memories for the rest of his life, I hope that he is learning to manage his baggage better, and that eventually he will be able to turn it all over and rest in the One whose yoke is easy, and whose burden is light.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
Friday, December 12, 2008
You made me cry!
I don't know who did it, but someone has donated to the girls' adoption fund on Reece's Rainbow. It made me cry when I saw it last night. To think that someone else wants our girls to come home is so precious to me. Thank you, whoever you are!! It may not seem like much to many people, but having done this once before I could lay out many, many expenses that can be covered by small amounts--the notaries in Ukraine, taxis to and from the orphanage, document fees...the list goes on.
As an update to the adoption process, we have received our request to be fingerprinted! All this really means is that we get to go (again) and be fingerprinted for an FBI background check with USCIS. Unfortunately (and as expected), our fingerprint date is a day that Mark cannot be fingerprinted, so he is going to try to get in next Wednesday. If that doesn't work he won't be fingerprinted until after Christmas. I know it seems that Mark should just be able to take off of work, but it's not that easy to reschedule physical therapy patients. Either way I'm trying to just relax and trust in God's timing. If there's anything I learned from the last adoption, it's that God's timing and my timing don't always match up--but His is infinitely better than mine. ;)
As an update to the adoption process, we have received our request to be fingerprinted! All this really means is that we get to go (again) and be fingerprinted for an FBI background check with USCIS. Unfortunately (and as expected), our fingerprint date is a day that Mark cannot be fingerprinted, so he is going to try to get in next Wednesday. If that doesn't work he won't be fingerprinted until after Christmas. I know it seems that Mark should just be able to take off of work, but it's not that easy to reschedule physical therapy patients. Either way I'm trying to just relax and trust in God's timing. If there's anything I learned from the last adoption, it's that God's timing and my timing don't always match up--but His is infinitely better than mine. ;)
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Literature quiz
Last night I was making pizza (per Dima's request) and I had the container of vegetable oil sitting out. The boys asked me what it was and I told them it was oil. Zhenya pointed at the bottle and turned to Dima and very seriously said...
"That's for the owl."
I had a really hard time containing my laughter. If you don't get it, don't worry. I'll edit the post later to share the reference.
Edited to add: Yea for Bethany who got the reference!! It's from Dr. Seuss' ABC book, and the line is "O is very useful. You use it when you say Oscar's only ostrich oiled an orange owl today." I'm not quite sure what Zhenya thought I must have been doing with the oil since we don't have an owl. ;)
Dima has been doing much better the past few days. Thanks for all of your prayers! I don't know how school went yesterday, except that I don't have any notes from the teacher(s) and he kept all 3 of his apples (they start each day with 3 apples and lose them if there are issues during the day). He's also been much more affectionate and happy at home. We're just trying to weather some of the "storms" with consistency so that he will know that no matter how he behaves he will have the same consequences and no matter how bad he gets, he's stuck with us. ;) He has also been pulling some of his old "lazy"tricks that he used to use at the orphanage. Funny, they still don't work on us, especially after a year of seeing what he can do. LOL
"That's for the owl."
I had a really hard time containing my laughter. If you don't get it, don't worry. I'll edit the post later to share the reference.
Edited to add: Yea for Bethany who got the reference!! It's from Dr. Seuss' ABC book, and the line is "O is very useful. You use it when you say Oscar's only ostrich oiled an orange owl today." I'm not quite sure what Zhenya thought I must have been doing with the oil since we don't have an owl. ;)
Dima has been doing much better the past few days. Thanks for all of your prayers! I don't know how school went yesterday, except that I don't have any notes from the teacher(s) and he kept all 3 of his apples (they start each day with 3 apples and lose them if there are issues during the day). He's also been much more affectionate and happy at home. We're just trying to weather some of the "storms" with consistency so that he will know that no matter how he behaves he will have the same consequences and no matter how bad he gets, he's stuck with us. ;) He has also been pulling some of his old "lazy"tricks that he used to use at the orphanage. Funny, they still don't work on us, especially after a year of seeing what he can do. LOL
Monday, December 08, 2008
Help bring home our daughters!
For our first adoption, we did not seek any financial assistance, although we were given gifts by many different people which was a tremendous blessing! God had blessed us with the majority of the resources we needed for our adoption through the sale of our house in Michigan when we moved to Missouri.
Things are a little different this time around. Although we are in a better place financially with both of us working, it is always a challenge to come up with $20K out of pocket--and usually relatively quickly! :) We also would like to be able to keep some savings at home for the girls' medical needs. If you haven't read their profile, Dana is diagnosed with cerebral palsy (CP) and a convergent squint. We are unsure if she will need surgery but she will most likely need a good deal of therapy, and possibly some braces for her legs. Eve is diagnosed with a palate deformity and hip dysplasia. We anticipate needing surgery for her palate. Thankfully, we have very good insurance that will cover a lot of the girls' medical needs, but we would like to be prepared for payments towards our deductible and copays and all of those other "out-of-pocket" medical expenses that seem to arise, so we're trying to leave some money in savings for that. In addition, we will need to purchase a new (to us) vehicle. We currently have a station wagon that seats 5--but there will soon be 6 of us and 4 (FOUR!) in car seats!
All that to say that we would love your help in bringing the girls home. Small amounts add up to become big amounts very quickly. Would you consider foregoing a cup of Starbucks once a week and donating that $5 to the girls? All donations through Reece's Rainbow are tax-deductible and will go ONLY towards the girls' adoption expenses, so if you're looking for a good way to get those end-of-the-year contributions in, this might be it! LOL
I also know that there are many of you who would love to help but are unable to financially. Believe me, we covet your prayers tremendously! And if you have a blog and would be willing, please consider placing the button for the girls on your blog to encourage others to pray for us as well.
The code for the girls' button is below. If you have any questions about how to put it on your blog, please let me know in the comments and I will do my best to help.
Things are a little different this time around. Although we are in a better place financially with both of us working, it is always a challenge to come up with $20K out of pocket--and usually relatively quickly! :) We also would like to be able to keep some savings at home for the girls' medical needs. If you haven't read their profile, Dana is diagnosed with cerebral palsy (CP) and a convergent squint. We are unsure if she will need surgery but she will most likely need a good deal of therapy, and possibly some braces for her legs. Eve is diagnosed with a palate deformity and hip dysplasia. We anticipate needing surgery for her palate. Thankfully, we have very good insurance that will cover a lot of the girls' medical needs, but we would like to be prepared for payments towards our deductible and copays and all of those other "out-of-pocket" medical expenses that seem to arise, so we're trying to leave some money in savings for that. In addition, we will need to purchase a new (to us) vehicle. We currently have a station wagon that seats 5--but there will soon be 6 of us and 4 (FOUR!) in car seats!
All that to say that we would love your help in bringing the girls home. Small amounts add up to become big amounts very quickly. Would you consider foregoing a cup of Starbucks once a week and donating that $5 to the girls? All donations through Reece's Rainbow are tax-deductible and will go ONLY towards the girls' adoption expenses, so if you're looking for a good way to get those end-of-the-year contributions in, this might be it! LOL
I also know that there are many of you who would love to help but are unable to financially. Believe me, we covet your prayers tremendously! And if you have a blog and would be willing, please consider placing the button for the girls on your blog to encourage others to pray for us as well.
The code for the girls' button is below. If you have any questions about how to put it on your blog, please let me know in the comments and I will do my best to help.
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