This speaks volumes

It is ever so inappropriate for me to go nearly two months without posting, and then to only post a link. But I'm going to anyway. It speaks so eloquently as to life post-adoption. I am sure that some of you who click through and read it will think it's so nice we haven't had to go through any of that.

Ha.

I do feel...fortunate? blessed? at how many issues we have not had. But however you look at it, none of our kids had an ideal start to life. All six of them were abandoned, some of them mere minutes after birth. Others were given the "opportunity" to love a parent who then rejected them later on.

How much does that hurt, to know you're not wanted?

Read Jen's after the airport story for a good look at life post-adoption for pretty much every adoptive family I know, domestic and international.

Legacy

The Christian band Third Day is sponsoring an interesting opportunity for adoptive families. They regularly show video presentations in their live concerts. During their current concert tour, they are hoping to highlight adoptive families as a picture of God's love for us. They are asking adoptive families to send in pictures that may then be shown at their concerts.

So I got to thinking...wouldn't it be cool to send in a picture of our family? But wait, also one of my mom and my new little sister. And I started counting what I know...

In our parents' generation, two adoptions.

In our generation, three adoptions.

In our childrens' generation, six adoptions.

You may be familiar with the concept of "legacy"--the idea that the choices that people make have a long-term, lasting effect on future generations.

For a long time, when people asked I would say our family legacy is divorce. Divorce stretches back generations in our family and it truly seemed to be what was being handed down to each generation. For that reason I was adamant that I only marry someone who did not think divorce was an option.

I now see another legacy growing in our families, one that excites me and gives me hope for our future generations.

I claim a legacy of adoption for our family--choosing to love beyond what we see.

A question

"Why do you love me, Mama?"

Asked not in simple curiousity, but out of desperation, and a true lack of understanding as to why someone could...would...love him. After all, everyone else had abandoned him.

Those who said they loved...left.

And he is left struggling to understand how it is that someone who didn't know him, now loves him.

How do I answer that question?

To some extent I understand. I have dealt with feelings of loss and abandonment for most of my life. They threatened the early years of our marriage as I could not shake the feeling that Mark would leave. Recent events in my family once again caused me to question how and why love is.

I don't know, Alex. I don't know why I love you. I don't know why others didn't love you, or why they did things that made you think they don't love you.

But here and now, I love you. You are my son. And I will choose to love you for the rest of my life.

Less than 16 hours

Today was a good day. We only had two wailing fits/temper tantrums, I think. Nevermind that one of them lasted for a hour and a half. And no, none of them were mine. ;)

I didn't go into all of the details about the little things that were derailing me a few days ago (with my rant post) but suffice it to say that we have toilet paper today and that has made a tremendous difference in my ability to stay calm during the tantrums. I really am serious about that. :) Running out of toilet paper, then buying paper towels by mistake because I was in a hurry and couldn't find any more toilet paper in the apartment (it was there), then staining the only pair of pants I have here because I only packed enough necessary items to get me to the Amstor in Mariupol which never happened...

A lot of little things piled up and I was finding it difficult to be as rational as I should be with handling two newly adopted children.

But we have toilet paper again, so I handled the 1.5 hour tantrum today calmly. The tantrum started because I asked Bianca to go to the bathroom so we could go outside. She didn't want to go and I told her we weren't going outside until she went, and she lost it. Not at all unexpected for a child in her situation. She is desperate to control anything she possibly can, because she's just lost everything, and I do mean everything.

When we were in Mariupol, one of the days we visited Julia brought out her worldly goods.

It made me want to cry. A few pieces of broken toys, a lego piece, a little doll, a coloring book...the little penguin thing she got after a visit to the hospital. Behind that is a birthday card from her caretakers this past January.

None of it came with her when she left the orphanage.

Can you imagine wanting something so badly that you would give up everything you owned, and everything you know, to obtain that? I'm not sure I could do that. But all of my kids have.

If they had told someone they didn't want to be adopted, they most likely would have been able to stop the adoption (except maybe Emily, because she had no speech and was only 3). They were old enough to make a choice. No, they probably didn't realize everything that choice entailed, but they knew they would be leaving. And they chose to leave. For us.

People they had only met a few times, but who held their hopes and dreams in our hands.

They left it all.

I think I'd be crying all day.

Advocating by video

I know some special needs seem more daunting than others, and Down syndrome is often one that people shy away from. I don't think it's the day-to-day living that concerns most people, but worry about what will become of their child when he or she is older. Will he be able to live alone? Who will take care of her?

But these questions are not necessarily any different questions than I have for my children now. I believe at this point in time that they will all live independently. But who will care for them? Make sure they are on the right path? Watch over them, make sure they eat well and get enough sleep?

At some point, we have to trust that as the future unfolds, so will clarity for our children and their futures. This is not to say that we can't plan, but more that it is easier to plan as you get to know your child and what will work best for him or her. Many people with Down syndrome live more productive lives than some of the non-special needs adults I know. They graduate high school and college, find employment, live independently, and enjoy life just like the rest of us.

But here's the bigger question.

Are you really concerned for their future, or yours?

Are you worried that there won't be someone to care for them, or worried that it will still be you when you were wanting to be done parenting and enjoying the golden years of your life?

Are you willing to let a child die--unloved...alone...

Or worse, suffer through a life of indignity, waiting to die, doing nothing...so that you can have the life you think is best for you?

Yes, it's harsh. And so is the reality of life for these children. Sadly, many of them are not adoptable because they are social orphans and their parents have not relinquished their rights. They will never know a family's love and care.

But what about the rest? What about the others, who only wait for someone to step up...to step out in faith...believing that it is more worthy to serve the least of these instead of ourselves?

Adoption in Ukraine

Yesterday we saw a commercial in Ukrainian. There were a bunch of kids (cartoons) playing soccer. Then one mom called her son in, so he left. Gradually more and more kids got called away for supper, and it got dark.

And one little boy was left all alone on the soccer field.

It cut to a screen advocating adoption in Ukraine and giving the sirotstvy website.

YAY for promotion of adoption IN Ukraine!!

Winner of the $100 Amazon giftcard

Leslie N.!

Congratulations!! I've sent you an email with information. PLEASE let me know if you don't get it! :)

Thanks again to all who donated. I wish I had $100 to give to all of you!

Great news!!!!

I just got an email from the Lane family--they are FULLY FUNDED!!!

Thank you for your help and for the many generous donations that were given! I am ending the giveaway early since the Lanes do not need additional donations and I will be drawing for the Amazon giftcard soon (once I get all of the entries tabulated! LOL). I am so excited to see how God has worked in this family's adoption and to see His love for orphans, yet again. Thanks to those of you who have also showed that love, not only through donating but also through praying and spreading the word.

There are still many, many children on Reece's Rainbow that need grant money and, more importantly, families. There are also many families in process who could use help.

We've covered a visa!

WOOHOO! The Lanes now have one of their girls' visas paid for through your generosity! THANK YOU!

Now for a bigger goal...because Ivy and Rose are not related, the Lanes will have to pay a second filing fee at the Embassy for their I600 (we will have to do the same thing if we adopt a second child as Candace does not have any siblings). They have already paid this fee once when they filed their I600A, but that only covers one child and any siblings. So when they apply for the girls' immigration approval at the US Embassy in Kyiv, they will have to pay an additional $720.

Let's get that Chipin over $720 and pay for immigration!

(and people wonder why international adoption is so expensive...a HUGE chunk goes to our own government!!)

Almost covering a visa!

I love watching the Chipin for the Lanes grow! We have almost covered the cost of one of the girls' U.S. visas--$404. Join with me in getting a visa covered!

And yes, once we get a visa covered I'll set a bigger goal. :)

THANK YOU for helping these little girls!

Remember, every $5 donation gets you one chance for the $100 Amazon gift card...spread the word!

Advocating

As I've become more involved with Reece's Rainbow over the past couple of years, one of the things I have not been very good about is advocating for the kids. Maybe that just hasn't been my role, but shouldn't it always be?

Regardless, I'm going to try to do a better job of speaking up for those who cannot speak for themselves. One of the things that often holds families back from adopting (other than money) is the belief that they cannot handle a specific diagnosis or medical condition. In reality, many medical conditions are relatively easily treatable, and even the ones that are more complicated are often more manageable that families think.

I'm hoping to begin a series of posts on some of the different diagnoses and medical conditions that kids on Reece's Rainbow have. We'll see how well I can pull this off since my blogging time has been less than adequate lately, but I won't accomplish anything if I don't at least try. :)

Burdened

Sometimes it's too much.

Sometimes I want to curl up on the couch and just stop.

This morning I was calling to transfer balances to our hospital payment plan. And in a moment, it became too much. Too much to remember to do...to remember to take care of...to make sure...

And I know we are taking on more. More children, more needs, more work...

During our homestudy, our social worker asked if we planned to add any more kids to our family after this adoption. I said I didn't know, and that we would have to see what God had planned.

She said "That's okay. You're young...you have plenty of time."

Yes, we do.

But do they?

All of these children, and so many more, are available for adoption.

And I know it is our choice to add to our family. But I refuse to look in the eyes of a child and tell him...

No, you can't have a family. I am too busy. I don't want more work. It would be too much time...too hard...what if you are more than I can handle? what if I'm not a good mom for you?
how could we afford you?

I pray that my insecurities--my fears--would never keep a child from a family and a home.

Where things are

So many updates to give...and apparently I need to post more pictures as you guys were so excited about the family one. ;)

BIG NEWS: We no longer have a bedwetter!! I had mentioned (a LONG time ago) that we had gone back to pull-ups for the summer. As the end of summer neared, I reminded our bedwetter that he would be back to using the alarm and changing his sheets. All of a sudden, he decided he wanted to wear underwear to bed and was dry! I think we definitely made the right decision to go to pull-ups for the summer, as I needed a break from the alarm and we wanted to give his body a few more months to grow. But I am super excited that now it isn't even an issue!

I should note that we do occasionally have problems with a little "leakage". I don't think either of the boys are particularly good about getting up as soon as they wake up and they sometimes wait a little long to go to the bathroom. But all the leakage involves is a little bit in the underwear--definitely manageable! And boy, is that ever perfect timing before we introduce a couple more kids.

Our dossier...is done. With the exception of our 171H. That is all we need. We have filed our I600A and sent our homestudy, but we still need to do fingerprints and get approved.

By the end of next week. Yikes.

Ukraine will stop accepting dossiers for their annual winter break at the end of November, which means the last day we have to submit is November 25. Which means we need to mail our dossier to Ukraine by the end of next week.

And of course today is a federal holiday. ;)

I really have no idea if God intends for us to submit now or in February. We are still pushing forward, trusting Him to close doors wherever He needs to. I'm alternating between being really excited and wondering how on earth this is all going to work. But I know once our kids are home that even the difficulties will pale in comparison to the joy of having two more little ones!

Backing up

Surprised? So were we. :)

We weren't intending to adopt again yet. We had things we wanted to get done, certain things we wanted to finish, situations we wanted resolved before we adopted again.

Notice the key word in that paragraph? We.

I had actually stopped looking at the RR kiddos because I knew we weren't adopting anytime soon, and I would just fall in love with someone. :) :) But Mark was still checking periodically, and I still volunteer for RR through document preparation, dossier assistance, and chat moderation. So I was well aware of who was being advocated for, and there was one little girl who was due to be transferred imminently, possibly to a place she could no longer be adopted from. Everyone was advocating for a paper-ready family for her, which we were not, so I kept ignoring.

One evening, we were talking about various RR kids and in particular this little girl that was due to be transferred. I confessed that I felt like we were waiting for the wrong reasons.

We have a large house, plenty of income, and plenty of love, but because we didn't feel this was the ideal time to adopt a little girl might lose her only chance of ever having a mama and papa.

Selfish? Yes. And not how God calls us to act. So we agreed that if this was what God had planned, he would have to make it happen, and quickly. We knew Ukraine would not be accepting dossiers after November 25 (this is an annual occurrence) so we only had a few weeks to see if this was even possible.

And God opened all of the doors. Every time someone said "there's no way you can get such-and-such done in time," God made a way. And so, 3 weeks after committing to Candace, we have a nearly complete dossier. We still are not sure if we will be able to be submitted before the closure but we are trusting God to get our paperwork (and us!) to Ukraine at exactly the right time.

Introducing...

Our soon-to-be newest daughter, Candace

More details to follow. :)

Whoa is me

Yes, I know the normal phrase would be "woe is me", but I think "whoa" here is much more appropriate.

This has been the biggest whirlwind of a few months that I can remember in a long time. Maybe it's having four kids, maybe it's trying to finish the house...I don't really know, I just know that it is flying. And I feel like I'm having fun but desperately wanting to catch my breath! :)

And maybe, just maybe...it's because God is calling us again.

And we've said yes.

And I'm scared and overwhelmed and excited and wondering how this is all going to work.

But I know without a doubt that this is from God (believe it or not, I actually asked for a sign and He provided it!) and that this is what He desires for our family.

Reece's Rainbow--While We Wait

I don't share a lot of what's on or in my heart on here, but Reece's Rainbow is definitely a big part of my heart, and I know that because of the amount of time I spend on it. :)

Shortly after the girls came home, I asked how I could help with RR. I quickly became involved in some administrative work and then took over our Monday night chats for families in the process of adopting from Ukraine. I now create dossier documents for families adopting from Ukraine. I love it (although the new Office is giving me fits with the changes to my mail merge!) and I love that I get to help families bring their children home...and especially knowing that so many children who would have been left to die will now have a mama and a papa to take care of them.

So you can understand a little as to why I feel it's important to share the following blog post, taken from the RR blog.

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While we wait

While we wait for the perfect timing...

they hope they can wait another day.


While we wait for more money...

they wait with nothing.

While we wait for a bigger home with enough room...

they wait for room in our hearts.

While we wait for others approval...

they wait with any dignity they can find.

While we wait for the ideal child....

they wait knowing they are not.

While we wait trying to decide if we can manage another...

they wait trying to manage on their own.

While we wait to see how much we have to give to them...

They are waiting to give us even more.

While we wait for God to provide...

He waits for us to take the first step so He can.

We must NEVER use 'waiting to hear from Him' as an excuse for not doing what He has ALREADY commanded in the bible for us to do... proclaim the truth, care for orphans, serve others, be His hands of justice for the poor, and show compassion.
(James 1v27)

So, what are you waiting for??

Written by and please visit Building the Blocks blog

Update on Cathryn and Connor

As many of you know, several months ago I was advocating for Cathryn and Connor. They are siblings in Russian who were in need of a family. They also happened to be HIV positive.

Thankfully, the Scoda family came forward and committed to adopt Cathryn and Connor. They were due to travel for their first trip this month (most regions of Russia require two trips separated by a few months). Unfortunately, it was just determined that Cathryn and Connor are no longer available for adoption. It is unclear at this point if they have been moved into foster care or adopted by another family, but regardless the outcome is the same.

The Scodas have now committed to adopt Mindy, an adorable little girl in Ukraine who is also HIV positive. Please be in prayer for the Scodas and their new adoption procedure. We too have lost a referral before and while it seems like it wouldn't be a big deal--after all, they're not your child yet--it is very painful and there is a grieving process. I know I still wonder about the children we were not able to adopt and how they are doing.

Happy birthday to the newest member of our family!

Got your attention there, didn't I? ;)

I didn't want to post until everything was done, but I am now happy to report that I am a proud big sister for the second time!

My newest little sister, Brianna, just turned 13. She joined our family last month and her adoption will be finalized in August. The kids adore their new aunt and I think she's rather fond of her nieces and nephews.

Happy birthday, Brianna, and welcome to the family! :) :)

(I actually do have pictures of my new little sis, but with the laptop malware issue and reformatting the hard drive I haven't been able to get them on the post yet. I'm already a week late with this post so it's going up without pictures which I will hopefully be able to add soon!)

...here they are!

$730!

That's how much you guys raised for Cathryn and Connor! Thank you so much!! I am hopeful that a family is in the process of committing to them so I know your donations will be much appreciated by them. Adoption can be scary and that large amount of money required doesn't help things. It is so encouraging when you know people are supporting you, and monetary donations are a tangible sign of that support. :) I will be leaving Cathryn and Connor's pictures at the top of my blog so that you can continue praying for their future family.

I am hopeful that Cathryn and Connor will be home with their new family sometime this year, so when you are reviewing the year you can reflect on the fact that you have helped two children come home!

Thank you to everyone who has been advocating for Cathryn and Connor!