Thursday, December 02, 2010

Burdened

Sometimes it's too much.

Sometimes I want to curl up on the couch and just stop.

This morning I was calling to transfer balances to our hospital payment plan. And in a moment, it became too much. Too much to remember to do...to remember to take care of...to make sure...

And I know we are taking on more. More children, more needs, more work...

During our homestudy, our social worker asked if we planned to add any more kids to our family after this adoption. I said I didn't know, and that we would have to see what God had planned.

She said "That's okay. You're young...you have plenty of time."

Yes, we do.

But do they?

All of these children, and so many more, are available for adoption.

And I know it is our choice to add to our family. But I refuse to look in the eyes of a child and tell him...

No, you can't have a family. I am too busy. I don't want more work. It would be too much time...too hard...what if you are more than I can handle? what if I'm not a good mom for you?
how could we afford you?

I pray that my insecurities--my fears--would never keep a child from a family and a home.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

Courtney, what a beautiful heart you have! I know how it feels to be so burdened and helpless. I pray that in every commitment and homecoming announcement, you feel hope.

My heart felt burdened with Candace's plight. I prayed and I cried for months on end. And look! A MIRACLE has occurred in you and your family.

Blessings and My Best

Melissa

Pi Princess said...

God is with you and Mark. You have already made such a difference in the lives of 4 beautiful children and God is guiding you to help 2 more.

If it helps, it is God's choice to add to your family, not yours. As you have seen Him work and guide you, He will give you the strength you need.

I am so grateful that God has given you a heart for these children. Even if you are not meant to adopt them all, you can be a warrior for them: praying for them, helping Reece's Rainbow, helping others adopt them, etc.

From what you've posted, I think God has answered your prayers not to let your fears stop you from giving a child a home. You are following His guidance and it is such an amazing story of His love and timing. I am praying that He keeps making way for you to adopt Candace.

You and Mark are in our prayers. We love you guys!

Melissa said...

So, so true! Who am I to deny a child a home because I think I "can't handle it"? I am so thankful for all the trials I've endured that I thought I couldn't handle that have taught me I can handle A LOT more than I ever thought. God is good and faithful to provide what we need when we take that first step. I am so happy that you all will be going for Candace and another sweetie so soon! :)