Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Little white lies

Yesterday Alex told me he only had one paper to bring home. It was a phonics paper that he had done pretty well on, so we corrected a couple of things (he's still struggling with rhyming so we go over those when he misses them) and then he was off to play. When we had finished his paper he went to get his backpack. I assumed he was going to put the finished paper in his backpack since that's what we do on papers that need to be redone and sent back to school. But this one didn't need to go back which he knew.

"Where are you going?"
"To get my folder..."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Do you have any other papers in your folder?"
"No."

So he went off to play and I put the finished paper on the kids' stack of school work (I take pictures of it and then it goes in the recycle bin).

Later that night, after all of the kids were in bed, I was putting their bake sale money** in their backpacks. Tim wasn't getting to participate since he has had a couple of miserable days at school behavior-wise and we consider bake sale to be a special treat. As I pulled Alex's folder out, I realized that there were TWO more papers in his backpack--both papers that needed to be completed or redone. He knew the papers were there as he got the other paper (the one that didn't need to be redone) out of the same folder. So he deliberately hid the other papers from me and then lied about it.

I was not happy. And he is not getting bake sale today. We will also be having a discussion after school about his choices yesterday and why he will now be bringing his backpack to me after school each day until he shows me I can trust him again.

**Each class at the school can host bake sale days to raise money for their class or for something else, like a child they are sponsoring through missions. The kids can bring a quarter and buy something at the bake sale--usually a cookie or a Little Debbie or Hostess treat.

3 comments:

Marsha said...

It is funny to me to see that you and I have some of the same "trust" issues with our kids. I still have times when my 12 year old loses priveleges and has to empty out his backpack like a little kid on the kitchen table because he conveniently "forgets" about something he just didn't want to do! He learned a very hard lesson on responsibility a few weeks ago that culminates today. His school has special field trips for the kids with really good grades and "excellent" in citizenship all sememster. He had 3 days to return his permission slip and money...he forgot it all 3 days!! He texted his Nana to bring it to himat lunch on the last day, which was also against the rules, and the principal refused to accept it. His older brother who remembered his permission slip in the same time frame will be spending the day at The City Museum today, while the younger one spends the day in class - all due to his lack of personal responsibility! I bet that is a mistake he won't make again though!! LOL Merry Christmas!!
Marsha

lifeonplanetearth said...

I was a chronic liar as a kid. I recently posted about it, if you want to know what it's like from the child's perspective.

http://lifeonplanetearth.wordpress.com/2009/11/22/lets-talk-about-child-restrictions-lying/

The basic issue for me was FEAR of being punished. I'm putting a new post up today about an alternative discipline which focuses on connecting with kids rather than instilling fear them.

I'm so happy to see you are advocating for Cathryn & Connor! We are just about to start the process for siblings with the same special need in either Russia or Ukraine. We're getting excited.

Courtney said...

Alex isn't a chronic liar (none of our kids are, at least not yet! :)) but I think he wanted to get out of doing his work and be able to go play first. This is actually a good thing because it means he's recognizing that if he gets his work done at school he wouldn't have to do it at home. I'm going to address why his work isn't getting done in another post. :)