Unusual discipline

Mark and I are big believers in having the consequences match the infraction (more commonly known as having the "punishment fit the crime"). Lately we've been having a few issues that just have not seemed to resolve through our traditional discipline methods.

Dima decided he'd had enough towards the end of the day Saturday and had no desire to cooperate any more. Because of some of the things we did on Saturday, the boys had had a pretty substantial snack in the very late afternoon (at 4:30, and we usually eat dinner at 5) so that we could do one more thing and then come home, have a light dinner (really more of a snack), and put them to bed. Unfortunately, after the first snack and extra activity Dima decided he was done attempting to behave or obey. So he went to bed without "dinner". This is something we've never done with the boys before, and we wouldn't have done it had he not eaten already, but the fact that he thought he was missing dinner was enough to convince him to change his attitude the next day. And he was asleep within 10 minutes of crawling in bed, which convinced me that he needed bed more than dinner anyway.

Besides which, he didn't miss much. ;)

Zhenya lately has had a very difficult time chewing with his mouth closed. He can do it, and when he chooses to he has very nice table manners. But lately no amount of reminders have been able to help him keep his mouth closed while he's chewing. I was so fed up with it at lunch on Saturday that I told him the reminders obviously weren't working, and if he couldn't chew with his mouth closed I would mix up all of his food so that he didn't need to chew it. He apparently didn't take me seriously.

That was a mistake on his part. :) :)

For dinner, Zhenya had pureed cheese quesadilla with cucumber and carrots. It made for a very nice soup. Mark was a little concerned that Zhenya would like it and would want all of his food pureed, and at the beginning that appeared to be true. But after a couple of spoonfuls Zhenya decided he wasn't so fond of having his food all mixed together. That seems to have gotten the point across, as he has been doing a much better job of chewing with his mouth closed.

Now, before you fire off any nasty comments, let me add a few things. One, I would never do either of these with children who were not secure in the fact that they will always have food, or who were incapable of understanding what was being offered as a consequence. Two, I would never do this with children who were medically or otherwise incapable of doing what they were asked to do (for example, having a jaw or mouth problem that prevented them from chewing with their mouth closed).

Please don't bother commenting about how you would never do this to your child and you can't believe I would do it to mine. That's fine, and I appreciate that parents have different discipline styles. I only hope that your child is not the one at a community gathering shoveling their food in, talking with their mouth open, and spitting their food back out on their plate. I expect my children to have good table manners consistent with their age (my boys are not expected to be able to cut food that requires a knife yet, because they don't have the motor skills to be able to handle the fork and knife concurrently) and to be learning and attempting to mimic the table manners they see in adults (which, sadly, I often actually don't want them to mimic because they are so horrendous).

It is my job as their parent to be training them into the skills they will need later on in life. True, they may never need to eat off of silver or need to know how to use a table set with multiple knives and forks. But if they do, I want them to have had the training to be able to handle those encounters with grace and dignity and a confidence that they are well-equipped for whatever situations they end up in.