We had a pretty good weekend with lots of base ball. Mark's team hosted a festival this weekend for four teams so we spent a lot of time at the park. The boys did great--it helped that I took some big trucks for them to play with. :)
But apparently it was a little too much for Dima, probably compounded by the fact that his teacher was out today recovering from a car accident. Tonight as the boys were getting ready for bed he had another meltdown. In some ways they're harder to deal with now because they're happening so infrequently. I keep thinking we should be past this, but we're not. And in all honesty, we haven't even been home for 6 months yet. It's hard to counteract 5 years of neglect in 6 months. After a long and painful (for me) discipline session, I sent Dima to bed and broke down and cried. I hate that he has developed these survival skills that MUST be unlearned, and that he ever needed to learn them in the first place. It's not fair that a 5 year old child should deal with the emotions he has--and I know we have it much easier than many other families. We are blessed in that our boys do not have significant abuse in their early life, just a lot of neglect. For the record, I did not cry while I was disciplining Dima. I know better than that. :) :) The whole thing is just frustrating, and I worry that we're not handling it correctly or that there's something else we could be doing. Standard parenting questions, I know, but compounded by the fact that there is so much information missing. I just remind myself to take it one day at a time, and to pray a lot. I honestly don't know how people parent without God. Praying reminds me of His patience with me, and gives me the extra measure I need to work with the boys.
Tonya, if two kids really are the hardest I want to get some more kids quickly! LOL :)
Monday, June 09, 2008
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6 comments:
I personally think you're doing a great job with your boys and I learn a lot about parenting my own kids by reading about your experiences.
Indeed, it's hard to counteract 5 years of neglect in 6 months. I hate, too, that my boys have had to go through all that they have. I know the frustration very well and I agree about wondering how people do this without God.
Hang in there hon! You're doing a great job! It is impossible to fight through all of the issues these kids have in such a short amount of time. We're still working with some (very minor) issues that Q-ball has...and he's been home nine years! It takes time. You said yourself these meltdowns are coming less and less frequently. That's a great sign! Hang in there. In a few years these meltdowns will be a distant memory. In the meantime, continue to bathe those boys in prayer. He won't let you down. ((hugs))
As much as I know from just reading your blog, I think you're doing a great job!
Michael has meltdowns too. He rarely did when he was younger, it seems to have just started this year. It's so hard to figure out what's going on when they don't understand themselves. I hope it gets better for you!
You are doing such a great job :-) Try to not let it get you down. Every parents does things by trial and error and what works for one child may not work for another. But what works for every child EVERY SINGLE TIME is parenting with love and God in your corner! And you have that down perfect! Even when it feels like it is not going the way you'd like, I promise you will look back in a year and know that this trial was to bring out the best in your boys (and you). I must tell you that we were a bit nervous about attachment issues after reading so many stories. But David and I were so touched when we saw how incredibly attached the boys are to you both and have they radiate their love for you. If you could see through our eyes, you would know that everything you are doing, is working wonderful! Keep your chin up!
I agree with the others that you are doing a wonderful job and I am also learning things from you that helps me with the 2 I already have. Keep praying and keep being consistent as you are. You are an inspiration to so many.
I know how you feel. Deonna has lost her listening ears lately. Not a little bit, but a lot!!! My patience was worn thin yesterday. I feel like once we accomplish one thing something else comes along. It's a constant battle. She is very sweet but wants things done her way only. I will not be defeated!!lol Hang in there. I wonder about her past too and I never read any other blogs of other children adopted from the same place as she and the boys. Keep praying as I know you do. Take care and keep us in your prayers too. God Bless!!! By the way, Deonna remembers Dima. She looks at a photo album of him and talks about him still. God bless!!
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