Sunday, June 29, 2008

Steps to attachment

No, we're not flooded out, there haven't been any more earthquakes, and we haven't fallen off of the planet (although Dima tried). I was in a training course last week and every free minute was gone. It was a crazy week and I'm glad the training is done. :)

It was a really good week, especially considering that our schedule was a little different. We were eating dinner a little bit later and I had to be careful to make sure I was ready to go with dinner right when we got home each night. The boys went to their first outdoor concert on Tuesday night. Mark and I played in the University City summer band last year and are playing again this year, but we're swapping around concerts so that one of us is always sitting with the boys. This week I played and Mark had the boys. Dima even participated in the conducting of the last song (they invite kids to come up and "help" conduct the last piece) although he didn't go up front, just stood at his seat and conducted. He's been conducting about once a day since then when we're listening to music. ;)

The real excitement of the week was on Friday. Our house is a little bungalow with a full basement and the basement steps are off of the kitchen. You walk down 3 steps to a landing where the door to the backyard is, then down about another 9 or 10 steps to the basement (specifically to the concrete wall of the basement). I was on the phone and the boys were putting their shoes on so we could go outside and work in the garden. Dima had finished so he went to the back door to watch the dogs outside while he waited for Zhenya. Apparently, he decided to play with the back door. As best as I can figure out, as he swung the door open, he held onto the door handle, and since the door opens over the lower steps the floor essentially fell out from under him and he fell down the basement steps. I heard him hit every. single. one. I instantly hung up the phone and went to the top of the stairs. He looked up at me and his face just crumpled into tears. I told him to "come here" and he walked up the stairs which gave me a chance to see that he could walk and that he didn't have any limbs sticking out at weird angles or a trail of blood down the stairs. ;) When he got to the top of the stairs he fell into my arms, crying, and I carried him into the living room. I let him cry for a few minutes and comforted him, but I could tell from the way he was crying that he wasn't in a lot of pain. So after a couple of minutes I asked him to stop crying and tell me where it hurt. He did, and the only place that hurt was a spot on his hip. I wanted to see how he walked (if his hip was really injured or just sore) so I asked if he could walk to the chair across the room and back and he said no. Zhenya was kind enough to demonstrate for him. ;) I asked again and he said no again, so since he was sniffling I told him to go get a kleenex (across the room!) and he walked over and got it. I'm such a sneaky mama. LOL He was/is fine and when Mark got home and the boys were going to bed I asked Dima to tell papa what happened today, and he grinned at Mark and said "fall down stairs!" Sigh. Boys.

There were two really good things that came out of that incident.
  1. Dima reacted just like any other 5-6 yo would have who had fallen down the stairs. He cried, he went to his mama for comfort, and then he recovered quickly when he wasn't seriously injured. Woohoo!!
  2. When I heard Dima fall down the stairs, my heart leapt into my throat. I was terrified of what might have just happened---not to him, but to my son. That distinction may not make any sense to someone who hasn't had to work on attachment with their child or children, but it was huge for me. That was the first time I had felt that kind of emotion--fear for my child, not fear for a child. It was a great experience, although I certainly hope it doesn't happen again any time soon. :)


Tami said...

Oh! Doesn't your mama heart just about quit working when you hear that thud! Having your child fall down the stairs is the worst! Maddie tumbled down 3/4 of our 16 steps to the second floor. I think I cried as hard as she did. (She's fine.) Again, same lessons learned. She came to me and let me comfort her, she cried real tears about real pain and recovered reasonably quickly.

MamaPoRuski said...

Woo-Hoo! So glad he wasn't injured, but glad you now have this crucial "next step" under your belts! Hugs!

DoveFamily said...

Wonderful progress... for both of you! I'm so thankful that there were no serious injuries. I'm also thankful for the opportunity for both of you to experience this important moment (only an adoptive parent would think of it this way!).