Friday, August 15, 2008

Identity crisis

I get so frustrated with the many things that we need to catch the boys up on. How do you instill 5 or 6 years worth of knowledge in a few months?

One of the things the boys have really struggled with in their language acquisition is understanding questions. The simplest questions are difficult for them to answer. They don't have enough basis in the language to be able to understand subtle differences in questions. The other day I spent 20 minutes with them going over "What is you name?" and "How old are you?" which they can both answer. But if you ask the questions out of order, or ask them how they're doing first, they are completely thrown off. They still only know the questions as rote answers, not with a solid understanding of what they are being asked. It frustrates me to no end.
But we continue to work on it, and I know one day it will click as so many other things have.

Oh, and thank you to all of you for the birthday wishes! I had a wonderful birthday, probably one of my best ever! :)

1 comment:

Diana said...

I was really frustrated with this very same issue after we'd been home about this same amount of time you have been. It's a really weird transition point. My kids "appeared" to be fluent in English, but they were really still, for the most part, just faking it and getting by by reading context, tone, and body language.

We've now finally got our older son to say "I don't understand" or "what does X mean?" And, when we were met with the ever wonderful blank stare, we started asking "Do you understand what I said?" We knew when the boys either looked down at their shoes or started acting out that they really didn't understand. Then one day it finally clicked for us. We finally realized that our older son especially was really sensitive to not understanding. He was either embarrased that he didn't understand or he was scared he would be in trouble if we found out. Once we got those two issues resolved, he's been a lot more receptive to telling us when he really doesn't understand something.

Indeed, it will click. Just give it time. We hit a MAJOR turning point with language transition at about 11-12months home. Our younger son finally started answering questions and started speaking in 5-6 word sentences and I no longer had to explain to the stranger he had just befriended that he was adopted internationally.

It was also about this time that we noticed a huge milestone with our older son as well. All of the sudden, he started not only telling us about things from his former life in greater detail, but he was also able to tell us what people said during these events. He still remembered clearly the meaning of what they had said, but finally had enough English skill and vocabulary to vocalize it in his new native tongue.

Interestingly enough, both my kids have completely lost their Ukrainian. It's actually been gone for several months now. They don't even remember yes and no. So if someone were to say those same things my son remembers to him in Ukrainian, he'd look at them like they were from Mars.

I had a therapist hit it right on when she told me that kids often NEED to forget their first language. She said young kids especially who bounce back and forth speaking two different languages often have trouble reading and/or writing both. That's obviously not a blanket statement that applies to all kids, but it has proven to be true with my kids.

Just a heads up for you, school may become more of a challenge for your boys at this point as well. We noticed some really weird memory lapses, especially from about 4-10 months home. It was almost like swiss cheese brain. Sometimes stuff that went in would stick, and other times it was gone within minutes.

In the meantime, just hang in there, try to be patient, and continue working with them. Remember how much their lives have changed in just a short time. They'll get it eventually.