Our family is not defined by adoption. We are defined by who we are and what we do. Adoption is a part of our family's history, but it does not define us. When the boys are introduced as "the two little boys who were recently adopted", you have labeled our children and our family. Would you say "this is the little boy who was born after 4 in-vitro fertilization attempts"? No, and in the same way, it is our choice to share how our family has grown. Right now it is our decision, and someday when they are older it will be the boys' decision as to how much of their past they want to share. Please do not share it for them. If you have someone who is interested in adoption, you are welcome to introduce them to us as a family who is interested or has adopted, and we can choose how much of our story to share.
It is our story. The story of our family. And ours to share, not yours.
This post is the result of a few incidents that have happened over the past few weeks. Please do not feel that you cannot tell people about our adoption if they have a valid reason for knowing. But if you are introducing us as "the family who adopted", please carefully consider your reasons behind that and be considerate of our family's privacy.
Monday, August 25, 2008
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2 comments:
AMEN!!!
p.s. Please remember that there is much you probably don't know about our story. Sharing your assumptions about it only leads to idle gossip. We didn't purchase our children from the novelty shop. They're not puppies we just picked up at the pet store. They are our children, just like yours are yours. While our story may make for some great conversation on your part, it doesn't always bode well with our children. They don't always want people to know they are adopted, and especially that they came from another country. It makes them feel as if they are different - and to them, different equates to "bad." Plus, they may or may not want to have anything to do with their former country and you asking them about it may only trigger painful memories of things they'd rather not remember.
Oh, yah...one last thing...if you do happen to find out that we adopted our children, please, do NOT, especially with a sing-songy tone in your voice, respond "Oh, fun!" I may well just around and smack the next person who says that.
We were on vacation last week (went to Branson) and I heard a lady talking to Ben and said said "what State are you from?". I immediately thought "great Ben, you've forgotten what City we live in again". Later I asked him what she had said and he told me that she asked him where he was from. I asked him what he'd said and he said "Ukraine". With his American accent, no wonder she then asked him about the State!!!!
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