I love progress

I love watching the boys progress in their attachment to us and their understanding of their new environment. There is lots of testing--and lots of discipline--to learn how things work in this new world. But we are seeing definite progress in certain areas (including bedtime!). We are using "time-ins" for discipline after trying a few different options and seeing that these work really well. I think "time-ins" is the correct term, but basically when the boys disobey (which for us involves knowing what is expected--don't touch, etc.--and doing it anyway, or doing it after being told not to in Russian; it does not involve whining, disobedience to a verbal English command, etc.) we hold them on our laps for one minute with our arms crossed over their chest (so they can't flail their arms). It cracks me up, because it has to look so odd when you see it. I gave Dima a time-in on the plane and wondered what people were thinking since I was holding him on my lap and he was crying and trying to get down but was held loosely enough that he could wipe his face and scratch his nose while I was doing it! :) What really amazes me is that EVERY SINGLE TIME we have used time-ins they have had the desired effect, but the boys don't seem to hold them against us. I gave Zhenya a time-in today and 5 minutes later he was crawling in my lap to read books with me. To me, this is what discipline should be--correction for inappropriate behaviors but with a knowledge that there is love there during and after the correction.
Tonight when we put the boys to bed, Zhenya threw up his arms wanting a hug, and then wanted a second one. :) This is the first time he has asked for a hug, although he will give one if you hold your arms out. He wanted hugs from mama and papa, which were gladly given. And he is definitely the one receiving more time-ins. :) :) So far this seems to be a pretty effective discipline method for them, so I think we're going to continue with it. If anyone has any thoughts on time-ins or any negatives, please feel free to email me or comment--I'd love to hear other perspectives!

A little more explanation about the adoption...

I know there are many of you who were concerned with the situation with the boys' biological family. Unfortunately for you, ;) there are many details that I will not share because they are part of the boys' personal history and they deserve to have that information kept private. However, I do want to explain a little more about why we decided to proceed with the adoption.
The boys' grandmother was the only one protesting the adoption. At one point, she had had guardianship of the boys but relinquished it when she wasn't able to care for them. She is not able to provide for them or adopt them, but wanted them to stay in the orphanage so she could come visit every once in a while. She was also concerned (at least she mentioned it in court) that we were only adopting the boys to harvest their organs. After she had a chance to talk with us and see where the boys would be living (from our photo albums), she realized that we wanted to give the boys the opportunity for a future outside of the orphanage and beyond what she would be able to provide. We will be sending her updates and pictures of the boys.
Honestly, we struggled with the idea of taking the boys away from their family. But if we did not adopt them, there was a good chance that they would never leave the orphanage. They are already 4 and 5, and so few kids over the age of 6 get adopted in Ukraine, especially from a special needs orphanage. We prayed that God would take care of the situation, and that we would allow His will to prevail--that He would control the decision of the court, for or against us.

The really incredible part is this: I have always worried a little bit that the children we adopted would have no connection to their past. Sometimes there is a mother's name on the birth certificate, sometimes there are no known parents at all if the baby was abandoned somewhere. I really wanted our kids to know their past--to have a link to their heritage. God totally provided that. We have names, addresses, pictures...everything the boys could want or need to trace their family in the future. If they desire to keep in contact we certainly won't hinder that and we will do our best to update their Ukrainian family with their progress. I am so grateful that our boys have this information, and so glad to know that even with the problems in their early lives, there is a tie of love there, love strong enough to sacrifice itself for the good of the boys' future. It reminds me especially of what we celebrate today--God's gift of a child, who would love the world enough to sacrifice Himself to bring us into God's family.

Merry Christmas to all. May the hope of the Christ-child bring your heart joy today and always.